three and a half

i remember thinking three and a half was soooo old. holding my 8 month old baby, giving a dirty look to the parents of the child with the messy hair and snotty nose. my baby was perfect and new. she was still unblemished. no scratches, no bruises, perfect skin intact. still, i could tell those parents loved that child, no longer a baby, growing taller and leaner, losing dimples in fingers and elbows. and now we are here.

i never knew

here

could be so wonderful. reading books with you in the dark, having dance parties where you say "follow me mama. do this!," patting out dough and how proud you are when you really did do it yourself. i want to soak up every second of my only child. cement my love for you in this time so you will have it to carry always. it is a strange feeling knowing that you are becoming scared of the dark, wondering who is your best friend, realizing that some people will go and some people will stay. my next move is to say that seven (half your life from now) is forever away, but i know it will come. and when it does, i want to know that i didn't miss a second in between.

here you are at 2 and a half...

at 18 months...

and at 6 months (your first trip to new york city!)